Actually, i'm just having this question passed my mind, so i wrote it here, hoping maybe someday someone who reads this can give me answers or maybe just a little hint about them. I'll be so much appreciated anyway, ahaha.
OK, recently i have changed my style into the girlish one. Nowadays i also walk and sit properly, i mean here the girl-like one. You know what i mean. I think i am starting to enjoy it, altho i still feel like i miss having my old style (uh-oh, my cousin'll kill me if she hears this, ahaha), i also already lost quite a lot of my weight and everyone said that i look quite slimmer (except sani. she said she didnt see any difference on my body. Hukhuk)
But, my question is, what do i change my style and appearance for?
I've heard some answers of this question from some people, long long time ago before i decided to say OK to the transformation of my style (alrite, alrite, maybe i already got the answers. I just havent felt satisfied with them. I need the more satisfying ones. Um, maybe not satisfying, ummm... OK, the ones that makes me feel really really sure that it's not useless to change my style, makes me feel more sure than these ones), and those answers actually can be summarized into one point, which is 'so that i will look prettier and it will be easier for me to find a boyfriend'.
Uhm.
If it IS the answer, then i think it's quite useless for me to change my style. Besides until now i'm still being single, i also think that i'm not destined to get boyfriend in this way. I mean here, OK, let me give you one example. This morning, i went to a mall (since it's sunday morning and there will be a lot of people around in the mall) and i dressed up quite properly. I wore thigh-length-red-and-grey tshirt, jeans, grey cardigan, combined with black bowling bag and black flatties. I felt quite confident in this package and i activated my radar of cute boys soon i entered the front door. After two hours being there, i got no signal from my radar, and i also dont think that any single or non-single guys' radars there got signals too when i was around (which means i'm not cute enough for them either *sigh)
Buuuutttt
When my mom asked me to buy chicken satay for our dinner from a 'warung' in front of my house this evening, my radar gave me a very loud ringing signal of a cute boy who is just around one metre standing next to me that i couldnt take my eyes off him. And surprisingly i felt that he's also staring at me, but i was pretty sure that the reason he's staring at me was because he's feeling weird of my clothes i was wearing at that time : shocking yellow homey tshirt, grey baggy shorts, and electric blue toilet slippers, which are so-damn-not-proper combination (hey, you all cant blame on me for wearing those stuff! my mom just interrupted my enjoyment of reading my novel and all i thought was getting all what my mom asked me done so that i could go back to the pages of the novel i read as soon as possible. Besides, this warung is just in front of my house. Do i need to dress up still? OK, i think this is also a question to answer).
Arrrggghh
Sometimes i hope i'll find a guy who loves me unconditionally (which i know it's SURELY impossible. Guys love looks, anyone knows that), so that i can wear my tshirt and baggy pants and sneakers without feeling that i look so damn ugly on it (eventhough i still dont feel like i look better with my style now). But, yeah, i've mentioned before, it's IMPOSSIBLE. All with capitals. I've discussed this topic many times in this blog everytime i got my heart broken but i still havent found the answer. Wait, writing about this topic now doesnt mean that i'm brokenhearted. I even dont have any crush by now. Oh damn, i just cant believe i wrote this paragraph in my blog. Now everyone knows how desperate i am. Ahahaha.
OK, i'm still waiting for an answer. So please please please, help me out find it. Thx anyway.
PS : OK, i just wanna add a little notes that might help you guys to find an answer for my question (anyone??). Well, i just found out a reason why i chose tomboy for my style. Uhm, well, i think, alrite, i SURELY think, that i wanted to be different. I wanted to be not just ordinary, but in the end i'm still just the same ordinary girl who is stuck on her tomboy personality and trying to change it. Well, i wanna be different so that everyone sees that i'm different and maybe later on they will be interested in me and wanna know more about me then we can be, well, closer. Oh God what the hell is my thought about! Hmm, now you all now that i'm a MORE desperate person than you've known before :P
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