dear past me, dear future me

*naaaahh i'm not copying santa claus' greeting. i'm just out of ideas on how to say hello ^^*

yesss i know this is 23rd of december and i usually make a post of 'the best of *insert year here*', but since this year was just as dull as last year, i don't think i'll make any this year (but well, i still have 7 days to go until the end of this year, and i may reconsider about it :D)

soooo i'm going to make a letter for past me and future me instead, inspired by a post in tumblr :) i guess this is such a good way to evaluate and introspect ourselves over the years, don't you think? and this is definitely such a good way too to end one year and start another year :) hopefully i'm gonna make good letters for both of them ^^

may i start now? :)

dear Past Me,
i know you kinda regret a lot. you regret why you didn't really mingle with anyone, you regret why you didn't take engineering-related subjects seriously, you regret why you didn't start dieting or exercising, you regret why you weren't more feminine back then, you regret why you were too naive... but you know what? YOU DON'T NEED TO. yes, exactly, you really don't need to regret whatever you've done.

well, it was not really a good thing that you didn't mingle with anyone, but anyway, you still managed to get close and trusted friends, didn't you? friends who came to you, who tried to approach you first, basically those who accepted you just the way you are. you already showed the true you to them. the true, introvert you, who is such an awkward turtle, and they still wanted to be friends with you. it's not something that you need to regret, is it? just think of it as an effortless way to get best friends, and you won't regret it that much. it's still a good thing that you didn't push them away and you accepted them with open arms. you will feel much better knowing that these people still stay by your side until today :)

yes yes, i do understand, you don't need to explain again why you hate engineering-related subjects so much because i still hate it until this very minute :P i know you still regret why you didn't put much effort on understanding those formulas and solving those confusing problems, because if you did maybe you could add another 0.08 to your CGPA, be a first-class graduate, and continue straight away to PhD. however, eventhough you think that way, trust me, YOU HAVE TRIED YOUR BEST. engineering is difficult to tackle, and although you felt like giving up so many times, you still pushed yourself to your limit to understand them. you had your procrastinating moments back then, but it is really understandable since you took extra credits at that time, and of course engineering-related subjects weren't the only ones which need extra care. you divided your attention really well, and i'm proud of you right now. so, no need to regret ait? :)

dieting and exercising are two alien words, it's not included in our dictionary okay XD and how come you regret that you didn't start dieting, what was the two-meals-of-fitnesse-cereals-per-day-as-replacement-of-breakfast-and-dinner then? and how come you regret that you didn't start exercising when you walk back and forth to campus everyday? you did! but you also need to realize that the digits of our weight haven't changed since the last three years, and eventhough we gained extra 6 kg after eid holiday, you managed to lose them all and made our weight go back to its usual digits. you've made it after all :)

i believe that you'll keep regretting why you aren't feminine, even until the future. however, now i try to think positively by saying that you just tried to make yourself comfortable, and it's totally okay. you work in a lab, you need to go around, pick this and that glassware, work with chemicals, and nothing is more comfortable than wearing a pair of jeans, tshirt, and a pair of sneakers. i don't think that you'll work that well with heels or girly blouse with ruffles and lace anyway, so what is there to regret? you know your priorities, and that's all what it takes :)

aaaaand there there, being naive is definitely not something that you need to regret. i know that you feel really stupid afterwards, you can't believe it like 'how could he do that to me??' and other stuff. although a zillion people already said this to you, i think i need to repeat again that IT'S A VALUABLE LIFE LESSON. you have experienced this kinda thing twice, and of course you won't let that happen again to yourself will you? it's okay to feel stupid, but make sure that you shrug it off after and think of it as a speck of tiny little dust in your big big life. 

you still have so many things to regret, don't you? before adding one to another, you better ask yourself, are you happy all this time? you're surrounded by your closest and most trusted people without even trying, your family loves you so much and unconditionally, you have very nice labmates and lab staffs, you're progressing on your project steadily, you have the most understanding supervisor ever, you have your supply of books and k-shows and k-dramas if you feel bored all of sudden, you have enough food, you have enough money, don't you think that you're happy? because it's all that matters. as long as you're happy inside and out and you lived your life responsibly, you don't need to worry about anything else. now smile, because you look much better when you do :)

Love you,
Present Me


dear Future Me,
I have A LOOOOOOT of things to write to you, and you better pay attention to every single thing i say, without fail :D

first of all, be grateful for all you have right now. i know that you're not as rich as paris hilton or as beautiful as jessica alba or as sexy as scarlett johansson or as genius as einstein or whatsoever, but it doesn't give you any reason to have such low self-esteem. who cares if you don't have a boyfriend? it doesn't mean that you're not pretty enough. it's just that he hasn't found the right way to come to you :) eventhough you might be jealous of those who have someone to be lovey-dovey with, just think of this as having an opportunity to spazz on minho and other handsome folks more, because i don't think that your boyfriend will be happy if you still spazz on them when you're in a relationship with him later XD

secondly, those who are close to you are your most valuable treasures. your family, your closest friends, they're all your gems. treat them like how they treat you, because no matter how sucky you are, they still stick to you and you better know that they're rare species. love them, be there when they need you, help them as much as you can, because you'll never be thankful enough of them.

thirdly, don't think too much on unnecessary things. don't get attached to much, because you weren't like this and you were happier back then. you're an independent, strong girl, and you better live your life that way. you have to ALWAYS remember that you come here to study and to be a successful academia, so you better stick to that thought and push everything unimportant aside. 

fourth, try not to be too naive, will you? life is not all cotton candy and princess' castles and fairy tales. unless they show you that they're really serious and they really mention it in front of your face, keep all your feelings aside. always remember that those who don't tell how they feel towards you, no matter how much you start to go pitter-patter and have butterflies or even dinosaurs in your tummy, only think of you as friends, so you better DON'T (i write it in all caps okay, so you better pay extra attention on this because i don't want to cry over useless guys in the future!) start to have feelings on them. try to keep telling yourself that you're just friends, because those who want to be more than that and don't want to lose you will tell you straightaway without being a coward.

fifth, you still want to convert to PhD don't you? so you better work that ass off and squeeze all your brain juice because it won't be easy, young girl!

sixth, try to love yourself more, because who'll do if you won't? :)

seventh, try to smile even more (but avoid that goofy grin because you'll look stupid, trust me)

eighth, noooo i'm not telling you to dress more femininely or something, but try to collect more shirts (plaid ones look nice on you!) instead of tshirts. and you better think of something about your hair, although i know it's such an endless problem :P and you better buy at least a pair of girly sandal and nooo they don't need to have heels.

ninth, yes you're an introvert and you're an awkward turtle and you don't want to get out of your comfort zone whatsoever, but it won't hurt to open up yourself for a little bit more, right? and always remember that you don't have to change! just be yourself and let them decide by themselves whether they want to stay or to leave. it's all up to their decision, but it doesn't mean that them leaving you will let you down. you have some good things in you, remember that! and people who appreciate that will come to you sooner or later :)

last but not least, MOVE ON. i know that your progress gets better and i really hope that in the future you already get over him completely because, seriously, he's not worth it and you deserve much much MUCH better person than him :)

i'm sorry for being too harsh on you but, well, it's for our better future right? so you better listen (or read? teehee) to everything that i said and do it in real life! 

Love you, 
Present Me

ps: i think i need to get a copy of this in my bb or something so that i can always read and get reminded of these things that i wrote, don't you think so? :)

the much awaited penang trip!

heyyaaaaa :D

first of all, i would like to say sorry from the deepest bottom of my heart for taking so long to post the pictures of my penang journey here. mianhae... m(_ _)m

i'm going to share the story first, then the pictures later :)

our journey started on november 15, at 10 pm. like what i told before in the last post, the journey to penang normally took around 5-6 hours. since that week was full of holidays, we were kinda afraid that we would be stuck in the traffic jam and arrive late at the National Poison Centre. since we visited this place by the name of UPM, of course we wanted to keep the image as good as possible, which was the reason why we departed early from serdang. we divided ourselves into two so-called teams, in which five of us were in the car and the rest were in the rented van.

luckily for us, the road was pretty clear so we did not face any traffic jam at all. however, since the car i was in was following the van and the van was speeding like crazy, of course the car had to speed up too, and we managed to arrive in penang in just like 3 hours something. yea, you can imagine how fast the vehicles were rite :P

since we arrived very early, we decided to drop by at Gurney Drive first and have some night ocean breeze there. it only made us become more sleepy though :P

after that, since time for subuh prayer was approaching, we decided to drop by at the nearest masjid to clean ourselves and have our subuh prayer there. we wanted to have some 'nasi kandar', which is one of penang's specialty, for breakfast at first, but considering that we consisted of multicultural students that might not be able to accept traditional foods (since some of them think that malaysian foods are too spicy), we had our breakfast at a mamak stall instead.

after that, we directly went to National Poison Centre which was located inside Universiti Sains Malaysia (USM), and one thing which made us proud was the staffs there said that we were the first group of visitors who were on time, since previous visitors always came late and made the staffs wait *grin*

sooooo we went around and heard for some explanations from them, mostly about poison that might be around us. they also explained to us about the way they made the determinations of these poisons using their own method, which is really cool.

we finished our visit at National Poison Centre after lunch time, and we decided to go on separate ways between the van and the car, since those in the car had to drop by at Batu Kurau (which is somewhere around Perak) like what i had told you all in the previous post. this was the first time for me to attend a village-style wedding and the foods were absolutely yummy! i was so in love with the fritters that i could not stop myself from munching them ^^ the lovely thing was these people made their own goodies, meaning that the cookies and cakes that they gave to us were all homemade, and of course they're all delicious too! ^^

soooooo, i guess that's all with the story. i'm pretty sure that you guys will enjoy seeing the pictures more :)

before departure

briefing before departure

And at the National Poison Centre....

Lastly, when we were at the so-called pre-wedding party ^^

that's all :)
see you when i see you! :)

ps: sorry for lack of pictures, since i don't know whether it is allowed to share the pictures at National Poison Centre for public consumption ^^