it's just.... hard

it's hard, you know.

i always try to please everyone. i always try to make everyone likes me, for my whole life.
but at the end, they will always forget me, they forget that i exist, they will always leave me for someone who's more fun to be with, smarter, livelier, more adorable, more lovely

they will always leave me at the end.

people tend to remember my mistakes. they will only find me when they need help, or when i make any mistake that i have to fix.

they will never find me when they want to have fun. i don't actually mind that much for that since i know that i'm a boring person and i'm such a party pooper.

i just want them to find me when they need someone to trust, when they need a shoulder to lean on.

but they won't.

at the end, i am always the lonely one.

and since i don't want to be a burden to anyone
might as well get used to this loneliness from now on, right?

life with westlife

i was doing a little cleanup to my harddisk when i suddenly came across one notepad file titled 'westlife post', and i found out that it was this post that i wrote two years ago (somewhere around october 2011) when i heard that my favorite band was splitting up. i seriously wonder why i didn't post it and it ended up stranded in my harddisk for two friggin years *facepalm*
since i think it would be such a waste to ignore this post, i guess it's okay for me to post it now right? teehee~ *grin*


at first, it was just quite a frustrating afternoon for me since my lecturer just announced that my class was going to have a re-test for our physics first test, and for me it's frustrating since i hate physics with all my heart.

then all of sudden, my sister bbm-ed me a link from bbc news. i couldn't open that link from my bb since i wasn't connected to the wifi, so i asked her what that link was all about.

she gave me the first sentence of the article and i could feel that my eyes became twice bigger, seeing the screen of my cellphone in disbelief.


yes, i was shocked. really shocked, to be honest.

i quickly opened their official website once i arrived home, and the first thing that caught my eye was this announcement:

"After 14 years, 26 top ten hits including 14 number one singles,11 top 5 albums, 7 of which hit the top spot and have collectively sold over 44 million copies around the world, 10 sell out tours and countless memories that we will forever cherish, we today announce our plan to go our separate ways after a greatest hits collection this Christmas and a farewell tour next year.
The decision is entirely amicable and after spending all of our adult life together so far, we want to have a well-earned break and look at new ventures. We see the greatest hits collection and the farewell tour as the perfect way to celebrate our incredible career along with our fans. We are really looking forward to getting out on the tour and seeing our fans one last time.
Over the years Westlife has become so much more to us than just a band. Westlife are a family. We would like to thank our fans who have been with us on this amazing journey and are part of our family too.
We never imagined when we started out in 1998 that 14 years later we would still be recording, touring and having hits together. It has been a dream come true for all of us.
Kian, Mark, Nicky and Shane"

and i couldn't blame myself when tears started rolling down my cheeks.

for your information, i have been a huge westlife fan for the past 13 years. i remembered when i started listening to english boybands, and the first boyband that i was listening to was boyzone, since my mom bought me the cassette (CDs were too expensive okay) and said to me that the songs were good. i was still on my 5th grade at that time, and i introduced boyzone to my cliques.
then one of my friends said that i should have a try on westlife, and she lent me her westlife album, it was titled 'westlife'. yes, their first album. i brought that home and listened to it. boyzone might be the first boyband that i knew, but westlife was the one that captured my heart instantly. the first track of that album was 'swear it again', which was their first single as well, and i bought a copy of that album not so long after that because i was fascinated by that song.

a lot of favorite songs followed 'swear it again', such as 'fool again', 'flying without wings', 'we are one', 'moments', and my all-time favorite, 'if i let you go'. the second album also gave me a lot of good stuff to listen to, like 'my love', 'i lay my love on you', 'soledad', 'somebody needs you', and so on. they continued with their third, fourth, fifth, and so on, and so on. i started to love westlife when i was still in primary school, and internet was not a hit at that time, so i knew all about them from the magazines that i bought. there were even unofficial biography and similar stuff like those which i bought just because i wanted to know more about this band. i also started to save my pennies for their official VCD (well, since DVD was not as famous as today during that time) 'westlife story' and 'coast to coast tour'. the price was quite expensive for a primary school student like me at that time, but i didnt hesitate to cut out some of my pocket money to buy those VCDs since i am a fan of this band.

the member i loved the most from this band was kian. kian john francis egan. i loved him so much back then that i decided to copy his signature and made it my own signature with some modifications (and yes, i still use this signature until now :P). i started to fall in love with his wide, pure, friendly smile, and that ended with his face all over my bedroom in the form of posters on my walls, stickers on my cupboard, and photos on my desk.

westlife gave me a lot of memories. i started to make friends with my primary school besties (and we are still in contact until now) because all of us love westlife. we even decided to watch their concert together and started to save our money for it, but we had to cancel the plan since the concert was held at the same time with our final examination.

westlife were with me in most parts of my life, since they can always give me songs that are suitable with the moments. for example, my all-time favorite 'if i let you go' is always on my playlist everytime i'm in love with someone, but i cannot confess to him because i'm afraid of the rejection he will give me (which is most of the time, explaining why it became my all time favorite). 'i lay my love on you', 'my love', 'i promise you that', 'evergreen', and many other songs were there for me everytime i am falling in love. when i am brokenhearted, 'obvious', 'i cry', 'soledad', and many more were there in my 'broken' playlist. westlife have been with me for the past 13 years. i know k-pop has been taking over me lately and i didn't catch up with westlife nowadays. i didn't even have their latest album. i just simply downloaded the songs that i like, and i'm not really catching up with them. however, their songs are always there in my playlist, and i don't forget them completely.

basically, it's hard for me to know that the band which has been there in 13 years of my life is going to split. it was already hard for me when i saw bryan walking out of the band, and now i have to see all of them walking out of the band. there will be no more westlife. it was enough to bring me to tears, especially after reading their statement thanking to fans who have been there during their journey. i may not be their most loyal fans, but i feel the same sadness with their loyal fans when they said that they were about to split up.

however, i'm trying to understand and accept their decision. 14 years is not a short period of time. they spent their adult life together, they even grew up together. they have made amazing achievements during their career, and i guess it's time for them to take a break. they need to spend more time with their family, one thing that they couldn't do much during the past 14 years. they are already in their thirties, and their priorities have changed. they've experienced enough time in music industry, and it's time for them to grow outside of westlife, individually, in their own ways. i know i'm sad, but i have to respect their decision and keep supporting them. that's what a true fan does, right? :)

thank you for being there for me, westlife. when you all were growing up, i was growing up with you too. i'm now out of words, but basically i want to say big thanks. thanks a lot.

ps. my all-time favorite. enjoy :)