dear past me, dear future me

*naaaahh i'm not copying santa claus' greeting. i'm just out of ideas on how to say hello ^^*

yesss i know this is 23rd of december and i usually make a post of 'the best of *insert year here*', but since this year was just as dull as last year, i don't think i'll make any this year (but well, i still have 7 days to go until the end of this year, and i may reconsider about it :D)

soooo i'm going to make a letter for past me and future me instead, inspired by a post in tumblr :) i guess this is such a good way to evaluate and introspect ourselves over the years, don't you think? and this is definitely such a good way too to end one year and start another year :) hopefully i'm gonna make good letters for both of them ^^

may i start now? :)

dear Past Me,
i know you kinda regret a lot. you regret why you didn't really mingle with anyone, you regret why you didn't take engineering-related subjects seriously, you regret why you didn't start dieting or exercising, you regret why you weren't more feminine back then, you regret why you were too naive... but you know what? YOU DON'T NEED TO. yes, exactly, you really don't need to regret whatever you've done.

well, it was not really a good thing that you didn't mingle with anyone, but anyway, you still managed to get close and trusted friends, didn't you? friends who came to you, who tried to approach you first, basically those who accepted you just the way you are. you already showed the true you to them. the true, introvert you, who is such an awkward turtle, and they still wanted to be friends with you. it's not something that you need to regret, is it? just think of it as an effortless way to get best friends, and you won't regret it that much. it's still a good thing that you didn't push them away and you accepted them with open arms. you will feel much better knowing that these people still stay by your side until today :)

yes yes, i do understand, you don't need to explain again why you hate engineering-related subjects so much because i still hate it until this very minute :P i know you still regret why you didn't put much effort on understanding those formulas and solving those confusing problems, because if you did maybe you could add another 0.08 to your CGPA, be a first-class graduate, and continue straight away to PhD. however, eventhough you think that way, trust me, YOU HAVE TRIED YOUR BEST. engineering is difficult to tackle, and although you felt like giving up so many times, you still pushed yourself to your limit to understand them. you had your procrastinating moments back then, but it is really understandable since you took extra credits at that time, and of course engineering-related subjects weren't the only ones which need extra care. you divided your attention really well, and i'm proud of you right now. so, no need to regret ait? :)

dieting and exercising are two alien words, it's not included in our dictionary okay XD and how come you regret that you didn't start dieting, what was the two-meals-of-fitnesse-cereals-per-day-as-replacement-of-breakfast-and-dinner then? and how come you regret that you didn't start exercising when you walk back and forth to campus everyday? you did! but you also need to realize that the digits of our weight haven't changed since the last three years, and eventhough we gained extra 6 kg after eid holiday, you managed to lose them all and made our weight go back to its usual digits. you've made it after all :)

i believe that you'll keep regretting why you aren't feminine, even until the future. however, now i try to think positively by saying that you just tried to make yourself comfortable, and it's totally okay. you work in a lab, you need to go around, pick this and that glassware, work with chemicals, and nothing is more comfortable than wearing a pair of jeans, tshirt, and a pair of sneakers. i don't think that you'll work that well with heels or girly blouse with ruffles and lace anyway, so what is there to regret? you know your priorities, and that's all what it takes :)

aaaaand there there, being naive is definitely not something that you need to regret. i know that you feel really stupid afterwards, you can't believe it like 'how could he do that to me??' and other stuff. although a zillion people already said this to you, i think i need to repeat again that IT'S A VALUABLE LIFE LESSON. you have experienced this kinda thing twice, and of course you won't let that happen again to yourself will you? it's okay to feel stupid, but make sure that you shrug it off after and think of it as a speck of tiny little dust in your big big life. 

you still have so many things to regret, don't you? before adding one to another, you better ask yourself, are you happy all this time? you're surrounded by your closest and most trusted people without even trying, your family loves you so much and unconditionally, you have very nice labmates and lab staffs, you're progressing on your project steadily, you have the most understanding supervisor ever, you have your supply of books and k-shows and k-dramas if you feel bored all of sudden, you have enough food, you have enough money, don't you think that you're happy? because it's all that matters. as long as you're happy inside and out and you lived your life responsibly, you don't need to worry about anything else. now smile, because you look much better when you do :)

Love you,
Present Me


dear Future Me,
I have A LOOOOOOT of things to write to you, and you better pay attention to every single thing i say, without fail :D

first of all, be grateful for all you have right now. i know that you're not as rich as paris hilton or as beautiful as jessica alba or as sexy as scarlett johansson or as genius as einstein or whatsoever, but it doesn't give you any reason to have such low self-esteem. who cares if you don't have a boyfriend? it doesn't mean that you're not pretty enough. it's just that he hasn't found the right way to come to you :) eventhough you might be jealous of those who have someone to be lovey-dovey with, just think of this as having an opportunity to spazz on minho and other handsome folks more, because i don't think that your boyfriend will be happy if you still spazz on them when you're in a relationship with him later XD

secondly, those who are close to you are your most valuable treasures. your family, your closest friends, they're all your gems. treat them like how they treat you, because no matter how sucky you are, they still stick to you and you better know that they're rare species. love them, be there when they need you, help them as much as you can, because you'll never be thankful enough of them.

thirdly, don't think too much on unnecessary things. don't get attached to much, because you weren't like this and you were happier back then. you're an independent, strong girl, and you better live your life that way. you have to ALWAYS remember that you come here to study and to be a successful academia, so you better stick to that thought and push everything unimportant aside. 

fourth, try not to be too naive, will you? life is not all cotton candy and princess' castles and fairy tales. unless they show you that they're really serious and they really mention it in front of your face, keep all your feelings aside. always remember that those who don't tell how they feel towards you, no matter how much you start to go pitter-patter and have butterflies or even dinosaurs in your tummy, only think of you as friends, so you better DON'T (i write it in all caps okay, so you better pay extra attention on this because i don't want to cry over useless guys in the future!) start to have feelings on them. try to keep telling yourself that you're just friends, because those who want to be more than that and don't want to lose you will tell you straightaway without being a coward.

fifth, you still want to convert to PhD don't you? so you better work that ass off and squeeze all your brain juice because it won't be easy, young girl!

sixth, try to love yourself more, because who'll do if you won't? :)

seventh, try to smile even more (but avoid that goofy grin because you'll look stupid, trust me)

eighth, noooo i'm not telling you to dress more femininely or something, but try to collect more shirts (plaid ones look nice on you!) instead of tshirts. and you better think of something about your hair, although i know it's such an endless problem :P and you better buy at least a pair of girly sandal and nooo they don't need to have heels.

ninth, yes you're an introvert and you're an awkward turtle and you don't want to get out of your comfort zone whatsoever, but it won't hurt to open up yourself for a little bit more, right? and always remember that you don't have to change! just be yourself and let them decide by themselves whether they want to stay or to leave. it's all up to their decision, but it doesn't mean that them leaving you will let you down. you have some good things in you, remember that! and people who appreciate that will come to you sooner or later :)

last but not least, MOVE ON. i know that your progress gets better and i really hope that in the future you already get over him completely because, seriously, he's not worth it and you deserve much much MUCH better person than him :)

i'm sorry for being too harsh on you but, well, it's for our better future right? so you better listen (or read? teehee) to everything that i said and do it in real life! 

Love you, 
Present Me

ps: i think i need to get a copy of this in my bb or something so that i can always read and get reminded of these things that i wrote, don't you think so? :)

the much awaited penang trip!

heyyaaaaa :D

first of all, i would like to say sorry from the deepest bottom of my heart for taking so long to post the pictures of my penang journey here. mianhae... m(_ _)m

i'm going to share the story first, then the pictures later :)

our journey started on november 15, at 10 pm. like what i told before in the last post, the journey to penang normally took around 5-6 hours. since that week was full of holidays, we were kinda afraid that we would be stuck in the traffic jam and arrive late at the National Poison Centre. since we visited this place by the name of UPM, of course we wanted to keep the image as good as possible, which was the reason why we departed early from serdang. we divided ourselves into two so-called teams, in which five of us were in the car and the rest were in the rented van.

luckily for us, the road was pretty clear so we did not face any traffic jam at all. however, since the car i was in was following the van and the van was speeding like crazy, of course the car had to speed up too, and we managed to arrive in penang in just like 3 hours something. yea, you can imagine how fast the vehicles were rite :P

since we arrived very early, we decided to drop by at Gurney Drive first and have some night ocean breeze there. it only made us become more sleepy though :P

after that, since time for subuh prayer was approaching, we decided to drop by at the nearest masjid to clean ourselves and have our subuh prayer there. we wanted to have some 'nasi kandar', which is one of penang's specialty, for breakfast at first, but considering that we consisted of multicultural students that might not be able to accept traditional foods (since some of them think that malaysian foods are too spicy), we had our breakfast at a mamak stall instead.

after that, we directly went to National Poison Centre which was located inside Universiti Sains Malaysia (USM), and one thing which made us proud was the staffs there said that we were the first group of visitors who were on time, since previous visitors always came late and made the staffs wait *grin*

sooooo we went around and heard for some explanations from them, mostly about poison that might be around us. they also explained to us about the way they made the determinations of these poisons using their own method, which is really cool.

we finished our visit at National Poison Centre after lunch time, and we decided to go on separate ways between the van and the car, since those in the car had to drop by at Batu Kurau (which is somewhere around Perak) like what i had told you all in the previous post. this was the first time for me to attend a village-style wedding and the foods were absolutely yummy! i was so in love with the fritters that i could not stop myself from munching them ^^ the lovely thing was these people made their own goodies, meaning that the cookies and cakes that they gave to us were all homemade, and of course they're all delicious too! ^^

soooooo, i guess that's all with the story. i'm pretty sure that you guys will enjoy seeing the pictures more :)

before departure

briefing before departure

And at the National Poison Centre....

Lastly, when we were at the so-called pre-wedding party ^^

that's all :)
see you when i see you! :)

ps: sorry for lack of pictures, since i don't know whether it is allowed to share the pictures at National Poison Centre for public consumption ^^

a newfound friendship :)

Hi! :D

I just went back from my trip to Penang! :D thank God everything went well, and it was a new experience for me to visit another part of Malaysia :) I'll tell the whole stories complete with the pictures once my friends already upload the pictures on facebook, deal? :D

I am daaaang tired since I just slept for approximately 2 hours during the past 32 hours, but I am sooo excited to write this post and this can't wait until tomorrow (to the limit that I am currently typing this on my bb because I am too tired to turn my laptop on :P). In this post, I am going to tell the story about the journey itself, especially the one when we were back from Penang.

We rented one van that may occupy up to 15 people including the driver, but since there were 16 of us joining the trip, one of us (let's say that her name is A :D) brought her car, together with her brother (let's call him B :P) as spare transportation. This was the first time for us to meet B. Besides me in that car, there were also C (male) and D (female), meaning that there were five of us in the car. C is our classmate, but we are not that close, while D has been a close friend of mine since undergraduate years.

We departed from UPM at 11 pm on thursday night since we wanted to arrive at National Poison Centre early. The journey itself took only approximately 4 hours (since both the van and B were speeding like they were in Fast and Furious movie :P). During the journey, D and I were the ones who kept on talking since we wanted to keep B awake (by being noisy, kekeke~ :P) and concentrated on the road. However, B did not talk much this time, and just occasionally commented on our remarks.

However, it was a completely different story when we went back from Penang on friday afternoon. C started the conversation with B, and we found out that B is pretty much a talkative (and a bit 4D XD~) person after having a good nap. Since they were the same age (22 y.o.), it was easy for them to get along.
We decided to separate ways from the van because A needed to drop by at her relative's house in Perak (which is located around our way back to UPM from Penang) since the relative is getting married this Sunday. That was the first time for A and B to come to their relative's house, and we kept getting lost during our journey to Perak (to the limit that we trusted B's-not-so-trustable intuition instead of GPS XD~). However, we kept on laughing and singing and trying to guess some roads while munching on loads of potato chips that we had in the car instead of getting stressed, so I guess this is the first time I was having fun when I was lost in my way :D

When we were back from Perak to UPM, the story began. I did not really remember how it was started, but I think it was when we commented on C's all-mellow-yellow song choice (since it was currently C's playlist playing in the car). All of sudden, he told us the story of his bitter love life.

Basically, C was in a relationship with a girl for 3 years. He was really in love with this girl, but suddenly she asked to break up. When C asked why, she just stated that she didn't find him compatible with her (which is, helloooooo, what did you do for the past three years until you only found it out just now??). Eventhough it was hard for him, he just did what the girl wanted and they broke up. Surprisingly, the girl wanted him back around one week after they broke up, but he could not accept her back at that time since he thought that she was just playing around with him. Buuuut, one month later, he felt like he couldn't hold his feeling anymore because he missed her so much, so he called her and asked her to meet up....
... only to find out that she's already with someone new :(
Of course, he was really broken at that time. Three years is no joke man, they even already met each other's families. However, he was also thankful because later on, he found out that when he was in a relationship with her, she had cheated on him. Twice. At the end, he told us that he already moved on, and he was thankful that God had shown earlier to him that she's not the right one for him.

Then, we moved on to A's story. A is currently doing her PhD, and she is in a relationship with someone three years younger than her. The thing is, this guy has already settled down with his bachelor, and he asked A to get married with him next year. He keeps asking her to marry him like ASAP, and it's getting on A's nerves. She just started her PhD and everything has not been settled yet. She still needs to confirm on her methods, finish all her classes, and other suffocating stuff to do. Getting married ASAP is definitely not a priority for her right now. What makes her sad is it seems like her boyfriend does not understand why she needs to continue to PhD since he already settles down with his bachelor degree, and she starts to feel like her boyfriend does not support her. She was like stressed all our way back to UPM and asked us to play rock songs for her. We could not do anything much for her, but at least we sang along with her to the top of our lungs and she kept on laughing with us since our voice combination was, well.... a bit funny if I should say :P

Next, D told her story. Back then, before she is in a relationship with her boyfriend now, she was close with this one guy. They were like so close that people around them already think that they are in a relationship. However, one day, they suddenly drifted apart without her knowing the reason why *ahem, why does the story sound familiar? :D*. He kept on avoiding her to the limit that she was tired to keep asking what is wrong with him or her that time, and she just decided that she won't mess with his life anymore eventhough she still felt something for him.
Two years later, she found out the truth from her other friend that actually that guy liked her at that time, just like how she felt for him. Buuuuut, he found out that his bestfriend liked D too, so he decided to give up his feelings at that time and 'hand D over' to his bestfriend. This fact drove D mad because she felt like she's just a thing that people can easily hand over. Well, it's understandable since she has feelings too. It doesn't mean that she will accept the bestfriend anyway eventhough that guy already hand her over to him because she did not have any feeling for the bestfriend. At the end, none of them ended up with her, and she is happy now with his current boyfriend. She admitted that she did not feel right during those two years before she found out the truth because she still had feelings for him and she kept asking herself 'what went wrong?', so basically she said to us (particularly to me :P) to settle every unanswered questions in our heads and stop making assumptions because the truth may be far from what we think of.

From all the stories that night, the saddest love story came from B. Two years ago, he lost his girlfriend of 5 years. In an accident. And the accident happened in Gurney Drive, Penang. And the first place that we dropped by when we were arrived at Penang was, you've guessed it, Gurney Drive. Yes, somehow I feel like this might be one of the reasons why he was quiet all the way to Penang, but all-talkative when we were back from Penang. He got the hardest process of moving on. He cried himself to sleep, and sometimes he woke up in the middle of the night because of nightmares about her. They had been a couple since middle school and he already thought that she was the one for him, so it was really hard for him to let her go. At the end, he finally came to terms that he would not be able to forget her completely, even if he's with someone new. The memories will always be there, eventhough the feelings may not. He said to us not to force ourselves to move on, because it is a process. Forcing ourselves to move on will only make us suffer. It is okay to cry, it is okay to think of the person sometimes, it is okay to have a dream about that person, but don't let it get ourselves down. Keep busy, do new things, make new memories. Well, it works for him. He is now in a relationship with a Malaysian who's currently residing in Canada for her bachelor degree, and he plans to propose her when she is back in Malaysia :)

It was kind of surprising to me that in the span of 32 hours being together, we become the best of friends all of sudden. It felt like something 'clicked' that night when we told our stories one by one. I feel like they can be the friends that I am gonna be with both when I want to have fun together and when I need a shoulder to lean on. All of us had our fun when we joked and sang our hearts out, but we also tried our best to give advices and comforting words when any of us put our hearts out during the heart-to-heart session. It feels like we are able to trust each other in only 32 hours. We even made a plan to have another road trip together, or at least a hanging out session at any coffee shop during our free time, and we ensure that B joins us too although he's not from UPM.

Well, we find friendship in unexpected ways, right? :)

I will come back soon with new post full of pictures and story during our trip to Penang. Sooooo, see you around! :)

Ps: Did I tell my story too? Yes, of course, and they gave me the best advices :)

fifty shades of me :P

see, i fulfilled my promise. it's just one day and i'm back with a new post *grin*

it's almost 4 am and i just woke up from my not-so-deep slumber (since i woke up a few times) because i am about to disrupt my biological clock. and why do i have to do so?

because my classmates and i are going on a road trip to penang tomorrow night (teeheeee~ i love road trips! :D). i guess i need to stay awake for the whole journey because i don't wanna close my eyeeeeees i don't wanna fall asleeeeep *ahem. sorry :P* well, we already rented one big van that may occupy all of us + the driver, but i prefer to join one of my classmates' ride since, well, that's what road trip is all about, right? :D besides, it's much better for me to be in the same ride with fun people because the trip to penang will gonna be a pretty long journey (for approximately 5 hours. and it is not inclusive with the traffic jam considering that this is gonna be a kinda long weekend and the road will be oh-packed-so-much). so pleaaaaaase pray for me so that everything will go smoothly and safely :)


i need to stay awake during these times, maybe until around 10 am or something, and this one idea suddenly popped in my head.

why don't i write 50 facts about me??

i knooooooow this is very narcisstic of me to do so (and i am warning you now that the facts i am gonna write will probably be totally useless. don't tell me that i haven't warned you :P), but please bear with me, okay okay? *grin*

  1. i love onion rings.
  2. my body weight is always back to the same number for the past 3 years, no matter how much i eat or how much i starve.
  3. i mostly sleep in fetus position.
  4. i am pretty much a 'readable' person, because my expression always shows what i feel.
  5. i am currently in love with the scent of azure breeze from marks & spencer and green tea.
  6. blue has been and forever will always be my favorite color.
  7. i am getting more introvert these days.
  8. i always replace tapioca pearls in bubble tea with pudding.
  9. i can't ride a bike.
  10. i have a playlist full of brokenhearted songs named 'broken' and i always listen to it before i fall asleep.
  11. tumblr has always been my guilty pleasure.
  12. i don't find facebook interesting anymore.
  13. i hate fish, veggies, and fruits.
  14. but i am TOTALLY in for canned sardines, bananas, and eggplants.
  15. i really want to master rapping, because girl rappers always sound cool to me ^^
  16. i like my sunny-side egg to have crispy, brown edge, but still-runny egg yolk (yessss, you have to fry it in LOADS of oil :P)
  17. i am afraid of cats
  18. but i have soft spot for kittens
  19. i love coffee, but i can't stand the anxiety after T^T
  20. i can't sleep before listening to music (unless i am really tired)
  21. i concentrate and work better with music (yes, including labworks and exam preparations :P)
  22. i always download videos in resolution of 360 px
  23. the best reality shows for me will always be SHINee Hello Baby, Running Man, and Shinhwa Broadcast
  24. the best tv series will always go to big bang theory (hail to the nerds! *grin*)
  25. i don't use any head support while sleeping, and i hug the pillow instead
  26. i love mountains better than beach for holidays
  27. i am a pretty blunt person
  28. i plan everything beforehand, and i hate it the most when things don't go like what i plan
  29. i am not an adventurous person since i would like to stay in my comfort zone forever
  30. yeah i gotta admit that i have low self-esteem
  31. i am allergic to dust and cold weather (to the limit that i had to wake up in the middle of the night when the temperature reached 17 degree C and i couldn't breathe because my nose was totally blocked, so i had to drink something hot. and there i was, sitting in the kitchen, waiting for my water to boil in the kettle, while trying my best to breathe through my mouth :P)
  32. my favorite number is 8, because it is a symbol of infinity (and it is my birthdate too :D)
  33. i really want to learn korean and japanese
  34. after reading sons of the sun, barcelona is the place that i want to visit at the moment ^^
  35. i am a sucker for plushies
  36. my favorite lipbalm flavor would be Etude House Be Happy Ladybug (peach(-like??) flavored)
  37. my ideal date would be sitting in a coffeeshop and chit-chatting for hours, or stargazing at a rooftop
  38. i love sitting down at the furthest, most secluded corner in my library, connecting to the hotspot while munching my snacks (psssst :P)
  39. i love karaoke
  40. my forever favorite cartoon characters would always be dumbo, doraemon, and pikachu
  41. i don't like parties, basically any formal occasions (i even celebrated my sweet seventeen by renting a mini-theatre for 30 ppl instead of having a party :P)
  42. my favorite animal is elephant
  43. i become a noob when it comes to philosophical, poem-related things
  44. i hate politics
  45. i can cook alfredo pasta (my forever favorite pasta), totally from scratch (i mean no instant sauce), and so far my sister loves it :P
  46. i love baking, especially brownies
  47. my favorite housechore is cleaning the bathroom (my housemates know about this so well :P)
  48. i love it even better when people say i am 'cool' instead of 'pretty', 'cute', or 'beautiful'
  49. i have jinx with earphones, because they only can stay averagely one month with me (no matter how expensive or cheap they are), so i always have stocks :P
  50. i don't like tea, but i love fruity-flavored teas, especially strawberry

trust me, this is the longest random-fact-post i have ever written :P

sooooooo till we meet again! adios amigos! :)

my blogging journey: year after year

hello! :D
sooooo this is my first post here in blogspot (since the previous posts are the ones that i moved from blogdrive) and second post in 2012 (when 2012 is about to end.... ckckckck. how productive i am :P)

it was a good 7 year journey with blogdrive, and it was actually kinda tough decision for me to move from blogdrive to blogspot. in the end, i still have to move out since my blogdrive is no longer accessible (because it turned into this freaky search engine-like website! i wonder how and why >.<) and maaaaan seriously, moving 200-something posts MANUALLY (since i am not a premium user, therefore i am not entitled to have backups of my blog posts and not able to migrate the posts automatically *sobs*) is no joke. it took me around 3 days to move them all. sadly, i cannot transfer the comments, so all the comments in my blog posts are back to zero (but i am not really complaining because the comments i received recently were mostly spams anyway :P). however, it is kinda good thing to move to blogspot since i have found a website which is able to create blogbook from blogspot and wordpress. i always love tweetbook, so i guess i will love having blogbooks too :)

it would probably take faster time to transfer all the blog posts from blogdrive to here if i did not spend too much time on re-reading my old blog posts :P and i definitely could see that i have changed during the past 7 years.

2005 was my most active year with 49 posts. i guess i was so excited with blogging at that time, and now i even think that most of my blog posts were something that make me rise one eyebrow and think like 'whaaaat on earth was i thinking when i posted this back then???' :D besides, i was not acquainted yet with twitter and facebook, and of course i need some place to rant, squeal, basically a place to dump every feeling and experience that i get everyday. i started blogging when i was in second year of high school, and the instability of my teenage hormones was at its peak at that time, so don't get surprised when you are pretty much interested to dig some parts of my past, particularly in that year, then you come across a wailing post, only to be followed by a happy cheery post one or two days later :P
and maaaaaannn i cannot stand the way i typed back then! i tYpEd LikE tHis and now i wonder why i was not tired at that time, typing one long post in tHis KinD oF sTYLe :P but well, ahm, i thought it would look cool at that time. thank God i already passed that stage (blame my teenage hormones. again. :P)

in 2006, you can see that my posts had been 'toned' down :D i did not use excessive exclamation nor question marks, i did not tYpE LiKe ThiS (thank GOD!), and i wrote less emo posts :P i was more into random things like discussing about movies, TV commercials, or weird occurrences happening in my daily life. however, 2006 was the year when i was trying to find out about my own personality the most, and it can be seen in some posts where i was confused about how i should behave and what kind of person actually i was. you will also see that i was ranting about IGCSE like A LOT since, to be honest, it was the most frustrating exam i had ever taken in my life (and i did not even take physics at that time. i would have been muddled by then :P). IGCSE also holds the record for being the exam with the longest period since it took me almost one month to finish all the papers (to the limit that i got stomachache, nausea, fever, and i lost my voice. thank you) and one whole year of full preparation. the results were not like what i expected, but it was the best that i could do.

2007 was the year with the most various happenings in my life. i was graduated from high school and i managed to pass the university entrance exam for Gadjah Mada University (although i turned down the offer and chose UPM instead :P). i filled in the gap between july to december with anything that i could do to vanish my boredom at home (from cooking and reading various books, to watching movies and dramas on TV). i also wrote posts about my worry before going to UPM about how to start living alone for the first time, how to adapt in such new environment without my parents by my side, and how to survive my university life because being a university student is completely different from being a high school student. there were also posts about my first times in UPM, like first class that i attended, new international student welcoming program, first indonesian people that i got introduced with, first housemates and roommate, first friend in my class, and many others. it was fun reading my posts in 2007 because all the memories came back to me and without realizing it, i was already giggling since they remind me of how naive but adventurous i was at that time.

in 2008, i wrote mostly when i was in my hometown during semester break because - yeah, you've guessed it - i have nothing to do. i discussed mostly about movies i rented and tv series that i watched. if i may say, 2008 was my 'introvert' year, in which i rarely wrote about my feelings and i wrote about incidents, my opinions about stuff, or even random things, like my university bus or library, instead. when i try to remember now, i think i was a quiet and very secretive person in 2008. i was more concentrated into my university stuff at that time. i did not care about befriending anyone, or even falling in love (well, i can't deny that i had a few crushes back then, but still :P). i tried to enjoy life without thinking about those kind of things, and i think i was quite happy with my black and white life at that time :)

2009 was a totally different story. the first difference was i started to write more intensely in english. secondly, i was into american idol and i fell for adam lambert at that time *grin*. i started to get closer to my classmates and i started to 'spark' more colors into my life. however, i was back to my emo self and i wrote a lot of posts (or implied ones :P) about this one guy that i fell for during that year. that was the first time when i had a feeling for someone and i was sure that there was 'something' between us (oh myyyy shame on meeeee >.<), so i was like, i did not get it why the reality happening was not like what i expected.
i also posted my very first (and maybe only :P) video-log in 2009, together with other music videos that i like at that time. i was into posts with short writings, and putting more videos or pictures instead. well, one picture says a thousand words, right? :D

2010, 2011, and 2012 were my unproductive years. i was soooooo busy during these times, but i did not forget to give summaries on my life happenings. it was very unfortunate for me to write less during those years, because important events happened during these times. i had my first internships, first boyfriend, first breakup. i was a final year student, i was graduated, and currently being a postgraduate student. i was, and am still, in love with the same guy over the last two years. yes, this was the longest period for me falling in love with someone, and i have reached a very desperate state in how to forget this guy because i am really sure that he has no feeling for me. most of the posts were also dedicated for him, including a stupid poem that i made when i realized that i fell for him for the first time, a tearful (yes, this guy is also the one who makes me cry the most) post when i decided to move on and let him go (but being stupid me, i still haven't done it, until this very second), and a post that i wrote when i was at the peak of 'how the hell can i forget this guy??' because it is, believe me, hard to do so (well, i have said that i am reaching a very desperate state, haven't i?).

after having, at least, a glance on those 200-something posts, i realized that i have changed. i grew up, that is for sure. i don't say that i have become mature or something (because yes, i admit that i haven't. i am still being my childish self :P), but i have turned into someone better (well, i have to! XD). i do not regret anything, not every single thing, that happened in my life, because they happened for a reason and they have made me who i am right now. it feels good to have such memories. well, at least they can be something to laugh over when i am stressed or something, right? :)

however, there is one thing that has not changed over the years.

i still write posts about how unattractive i am. i still blame my looks for staying single. i am still being my unconfident self. i am also still the same old heartbroken person :P

ehm ehm.

sooo, i cannot promise anything, but i will try to write more, because i just realize that i miss writing blog posts so much (since i am more into microblogging a.k.a twitter nowadays >.<)

see you when i see you! :)

bye 22, hye 23 :)

hello all.
yes, i know that this blog is all rusty and dusty and all possible vocabs related to 'abandoned' can describe. i was re-reading my old blog entries today (luckily!) and i just realized that i haven't made any re-cap post about being 22. yes, today is one week past my birthday and i am currently 23 years old. well, i have to say that a lot of important events happened during my second twin numbers. i hope i can remember all of them and write them in this re-cap post ^^
here we go.

the most important thing which happened when i was 22 was I AM FINALLY GRADUATED!!! yes, people, you didn't just misread it. i was finally successful to go through my last 4 years as a college student with a CGPA of 3.67. not bad, huh? i am already a cumlaude if i am in indonesia. unfortunately, there is no such things as cumlaude title here. unless you have a higher CGPA than 3.75, then you are able to be entitled as first-class student and able to continue STRAIGHT to PhD. isn't it just awezoooome? :P

anddddd i directly went to postgraduate path. so yes, i am now currently a postgraduate student, a master student to be exact. being a postgraduate student is completely different from being an undergraduate student, especially for those who undergo research like what i do right now. i only have a 3-hour class once a week (which is statistics and i am never able to completely stay awake during those 3 hours. i have to go to the toilet at least once to wash my sleepy face :P) and i spend the whole week for research, so i have to arrange my own schedule.  i am still with the same supervisor as the one who supervised my fyp and everything went smoothly so far. i am planning to take the fast-track, where i can spend three years in total for both master and PhD degree and, yeah, i am keeping my fingers crossed :)
i also had another internship when i was on my 4-month holiday because, well, just because :P i definitely gained more knowledge and experiences in working world. i learned how to deal with bosses, how to negotiate with them, how to 'read' what they actually want, and how to deal with backstabbers :P well, i cannot say that those 3 months went smoothly. i met those who stole my work and claimed it as theirs, but thank God i managed to claim back what's mine :) however, i enjoyed working there because i have such amazing, helpful, and fun workmates eventhough i was placed in a division where ALL of the staffs were men and i was like, of course, the only female there. i still keep in touch with those who were in the same department with me and it feels great to be able to make more friends during my holiday instead of just hanging out at home and gaining more fat to my already-bulky body :D
because of my 2 internship experiences, i finally decided that i am not going to work in industrial sector. i guess i am more suitable to work in research or academic field instead of industry. it's not because of the obstacles that i met during my internship period. who says that research is easy? it can be even much more frustrating than your bitchy bosses you meet everyday at work. however, i somehow feel that research keeps me 'alive'. during my internship period, i already felt sleepy when i reached home and i didn't even have enough energy to have more activities after that. however, when i was undergoing research for my FYP and now when i am in my postgraduate study, i didn't feel the same way. i still managed to browse for more informations or journal after i reached home from lab. another remarkable difference is when i am about to start my activities in the morning. i always woke up lazily when i was in my internship because i knew that i was going to do the same thing over and over again. however, when i woke up in the morning nowadays, i always feel excited because i am curious of how my experiment on that day is going to be. i am excited to know the results and i feel even more excited if i can troubleshoot the problems that i meet during that day. yes, now you can see what differs me in research field and me in industry. it's the CURIOSITY. working in research field will keep my curiosity growing and i am sure that my brain will always work that way. since i don't want to get alzheimer just because i don't work enough with my brain, i guess i have to stay in research or academic field, don't i? :P
and when i was 22, i was more AND MORE immersed into kpop to the limit where i do not keep on track with top 40 music anymore :P i am deeply in love with Choi Minho of SHINee eventhough he is like 2 years younger than me :P what i love from hallyu wave is actually their variety shows, especially those with the idols like SHINee, Super Junior, or MBLAQ. These variety shows are definitely good stress relief for me because they never fail to make me laugh until my stomach hurts. The one that i never get bored of is SHINee's Hello Baby because the baby they took care of (Yoogeun) was oh-so-friggin-adorable and they were all just being completely nuts for the whole 13 episodes :D i've been watching the show like a zillion times and i still want to watch it for more zillion times to come :D

i guess those 5 paragraphs were enough to recap on how my 22-year-old life was. overall, i was happy and grateful with what i had and experienced, and i hope i will be more blessed with this new age and everything will just go smoothly without any high bumps here and there :)
just like usual, see ya later alligator! :)