being two (tiny) steps healthier :)

helloooooowwww *waves*
again and again and again, i am such an 'active' blogger, aren't i? *sarcasm intended :P*
sooooo after.... how many months? seven, i guess? okay, so after seven months, i am back with a (quite) useful post, because i am very sure that all of you must have had enough of those angsty-blog-posts-filled-with-eyeroll-inducing-problems that i wrote quite often lately. therefore (oh my god, i can't believe that i am using this word in a casual blog post forgodsake >.<), at this moment, i am going to let you guys know how a very-unlikely-to-be-healthy-me (i should really consider my tendency to write super long, confusing phrases like this, right? :P) finally decided to live two tiny steps healthier ^^v

buuuuuut before i proceed to the main point, i think i need to update a bit about how my life goes lately. so, first of all, i have finally finished my postgraduate studies and i am now an MSc holder! yeahoooo *throws confetti at myself*
the viva voce went for about two hours and i gotta say that i was kinda drained when it was finished because my examiner was veeeeery particular and he went for the questions and corrections page by page >.< but trust me, although i was really exhausted, it felt soooooo good to know that all my blood, sweat, and tears were now in a form of a completed thesis, a published journal article, an accepted proceeding and (soon) a piece of certificate stating that now i can add MSc behing my BSc title. sweet :)
i am currently trying to find a job so pleaseeeee cross extra fingers for me? *huge grin*

okay, i guess that's enough for a quick update. so, without further ado, let's gooooo to the first step!

1. reducing instant noodles intake
all of my close friends and family know very well that i am addicted to instant noodles, and it only got worse since i lived far from my family. until around three months ago, i usually had instant noodles as my lunch or dinner at least three times a week, while it is actually advisable to give a three-day-gap after each consumption to (well, they say) eliminate the ugly chemicals in them from our body.

this bad habit lasted until one day i said to my housemates that my hairfall got much worse. in case you don't know, i have very fine textured hair and i don't even have thick hair to begin with, so i think it is normal for me to be worried about hairfall because, hello, being a bald woman doesn't sound very appealing to me. my housemates said that i probably need to reduce my instant noodles intake since, like what my sister said, instant noodles have even more rumours (about its health-deteriorating properties) than celebrities do XD

trust me, it was reaaaaally difficult to stop having instant noodles as my staple meals because i personally love instant noodles, not just because of its convenience but also their varieties and flavors. i am aaaaalwways curious everytime there is new variant of instant noodles being launched and i would end up buying their pack-of-five and finishing them in two weeks. this is a habit that i am still struggling to eliminate completely from my life until now (hey, i am a food scientist, i have all the rights to be curious of new food products! *evil grin*), but at least i am trying to reduce it to only one pack per month. so far everything went well like how i planned, thanks to my healthier version of instant noodles that i invented by myself :) now now, aren't you curious? *grin*

soooooo i made this as simple, as tasty, but healthier version of fried instant noodles that is MSG free, oil free, and, therefore, less fat! i basically need to always have air-dried noodles, non-MSG oyster sauce, non-MSG maggi seasoning, soy sauce, and ground pepper in my kitchen cabinet, and i am all set. i boil the noodles like instructed in the packet and while i wait for the noodles to be cooked, i mix oyster sauce, maggi seasoning, soy sauce, and ground pepper in a bowl. you can add some bottled chilli sauce too if you want some kick :) i don't use salt because oyster sauce and maggi seasoning give enough saltiness for me, but you're always welcome to add more salt, just make sure that you won't overadding it :) after the noodles are nice and firm, i drain them from the water and mix them with the concoction in the bowl that i make earlier. that's it, the noodles are ready to eat! isn't that reaaaaally simple? i bet even a kindergarten kid can prepare this meal by themselves! this healthier 'fried' noodles tastes awesome, even my housemate loves it! you definitely can try this at home too :)

although i don't know whether the rumours are true or not, i found that my hairfall became much less after i stopped my addiction to instant noodles. well, i still consume it like once in a month, but it is still very normal, i think. i just think of it like having cheat day just like those people who are on diet ;)

2. two mugs of green tea a day
i just started this habit very recently, like around three days ago? so i cannot tell how it works on me yet. the reason why i started this habit was because of the dark circles under my eyes. i can imagine some of you frowning already, thinking why don't i get enough sleep instead if i want to eliminate my dark circles? well, truthfully, i don't really think that i am lack of sleep since i always have at least six hours of sleep a day and trust me, i had even less sleep back in the day and i didn't even turn into a panda.

sooooo i googled and googled and googled and i found that there are actually a lot more causes of dark circles besides lack of sleep, such as genetics and even eye wrinkles. the cause which was the reason why i started this routine was that it might be a sign for a need of detoxification because the liver has been working too hard already. i was a little freaked out reading this because, well, i have to admit that although i have the out-of-ordinary body size, i am actually a picky eater. i am not a fan of fruits and vegetables, but i am a fan of anything fried and sometimes overly sweet. i was thinking of the simplest and easiest way to have my detox without sacrificing my tastebuds, and i directly think of green tea.

i don't like regular, commonly consumed black tea, even after it is sweetened, but surprisingly i can accept green tea although it is unsweetened, in all its bitterness glory. must be the aroma, hmm?
so i finally decided to buy a box of green tea bags, simmer one bag of it every morning before my breakfast and keep the bag in the fridge to have another simmer at night before i sleep. i enjoy this routine so far and i will probably update you again on how it affects my dark circles or maybe my metabolism :)

well, for a food scientist, minoring in functional food somemore, it is probably a shame that i don't practice my knowledge in my own daily life. these two were just tiny beginning steps of a lot more to come, hopefully :)

that's all from me now guys. see y'all later alligator! ^^v

a sack of insecurities

hello :)
wow, two posts in a month! i made a good progress didn't i? *smile*

as time goes by, i start to think that my posts are getting more and more depressive each day, aren't they? i don't mean to, really. but then again, like what i have told you before (somewhere in a previous post that i forget, teehee~), i treat this blog as my dumpster of feelings. i know it's not a good thing to feel sad over small stuff, or overthink things, but writing about those things help me feel myself at ease, so it's okay right? *grin*

this time around, i feel like writing about my insecurities. like what the title says, i am a sack of insecurities, really, whether it's about my weight, my face, my hair, my awkwardness, my tomboyish attitude, everything. i am so not confident about myself.

it's not like i am not grateful of what i have. i am very grateful for everything i have had so far, because i know there are a lot of people who are more unfortunate than me in all aspects. however, i think at some point, it is possible for people to feel insecure over themselves, especially if they're surrounded with amazing people.

like what happens to me.

since i was little, i already have problems with my own self-confidence, to the limit that my parents enrolled me into a modelling school (nope, i don't have any trace of proof in me that i had enrolled in a modelling school now. i can't even walk straight in heels XD) to raise my confidence. however, i stopped halfway because, well, i know that modelling is not for me, especially when i was surrounded by skinny and pretty girls, while i was just so plumpy and ordinary. after that, i tried dancing. my parents registered me to a traditional dancing course, but, as expected, i also stopped halfway because my body is as flexible as a wooden stick. when i was in elementary school, i was selected to be in the school choir. i was so happy because oh my god i finally had some talent in me that i might not realize! but then, that little increase of confidence had to be crushed down again when my voice finally cracked as puberty came and it isn't even better than a frog's croak now.

this is the main reason why i have become someone who tries hard with my academics, because i have realized that if i don't study hard and make good scores, i am actually nothing. i don't say that i am ugly, but i have just a common, ordinary face, and all of my friends are pretty so i can't stand out (i even start to think that only my girl friends find me pretty because they're the only ones who say it to me :P). i am not obese, but my BMI has passed the 'normal' line and i am surrounded by slender or fit-bodied girls. i don't have any natural talent in music or art, and anyone i know has at least one natural talent like good voice or things like that. i am not really good in communicating with people, while my friends have many more friends out of our circle. all of my friends have experienced how it feels to be confessed by guys, or to be liked liked by them, while i don't have such experience. as expected, these things just make my low self-esteem becomes even lower.

aaaand if you think that the result of me studying hard has given me the honorable position as the cream of the crop, sorry to break the news but you're mistaken. i still have to be surrounded by geniuses who don't even need to study but they get better scores than me.

after reading this post, you probably think that i am someone who's actually pretty and smart and talented and looking for attention or compliment by saying such thing. there might be a lot of people who act like that out there, but it's not me. this is not the way i seek for attention. when i say that i am not pretty, i mean it. i mean that i am not pretty. when people say i am smart and i deny it, i sincerely deny it, unlike those people who says "ah no i am not smart", waving these compliments off, while in their heads they actually say "oh well, i know i am smart". no matter how you try to compliment me, it won't go through my head because i know there are more people out there who deserve those compliments more than me.

this might be my biggest issue right now, because i am definitely not in peace with myself. if i am not even in peace with myself, then how am i able to love myself?

i need to figure this out. soon.

see ya.

being 24 :)

yellow everyone *insert the most unenthusiastic face you can imagine here*

omg april 8th is less than 6 hours from now and, well.... to be honest, i still can't believe that i am going to be 25. if you ask me, let's say, 5 years ago, i would see my-25-year-old-self as someone who's mature, ready to get married (or maybe already married? since 25 was my age-of-marriage target hahaha), and having a steady job at hand with a good pay since it would have been at least 3 years after i graduated. however, well, looking at myself now who is going to be 25 in a few hours, i don't see myself like how i pictured myself going to be, at all *sigh* definitely not going like what i planned huh? i guess i can start by trying to be mature, at least *grin*

i didn't make any post last year about being 23 because, i know that you can guess already, the life of 23-year-old-me had been so dull that i didn't even know what to recap about it. it doesn't mean that my life has drastically become so interesting now, but i know that i have some highlights that i can write here.... i guess? *another grin*

soooo the most definite highlight was, of course, attending super junior super show 5. i didn't expect super junior to come to malaysia at first since they skipped malaysia during super show 4, and thank God my saving was enough to buy one decent-seated ticket for me and sponsor half of my sister's ticket. this was the second time for me to attend a music concert, and everything was a completely different experience from the paramore concert i attended 2 years ago, from standing for 4 hours only to get the tickets until all the tremendous feelings i got after the concert was finished. it was a dream came true for me too since i couldn't recall how many times i had been chanting "i have to watch super show... i have to watch super show..." everytime i watch their previous super shows on dvd. now i only have one more dream kpop concert that i can't miss for my dear life: the shinee world concert *grin*

another highlight of being 24 was the vacation that i had back in january with my besties (zhaf, safura, and hamidah) to jogjakarta. i know that jogjakarta is my hometown and i didn't leave that town until i was eighteen, but it was surprising to know that i actually had missed some interesting parts of my town all this time, and i had to be a tourist guide for my besties first to know about that :D i had visited some places like kraton, borobudur temple, prambanan temple, or kotagede at least once in my life. heck, i even visited malioboro countless times. however, it was the very first time for me to watch ramayana theatre play, and, i don't mean to boast about my hometown, but this play is so awesome. i thought i wouldn't be able to enjoy the play since there was minimal dialogue and the narration was in javanese (i've been a javanese-born-in-java, yes, but don't expect me to understand javanese totally. please don't forget that i am half sumatranese :D), but i enjoyed the play so much and i understood everything. i don't even mind to watch it again :) another first-time-in-my-hometown that i experienced was the kaliurang offroad tour because omg i am definitely not an offroad person and this explains why i was screaming more often than my friends in the jeep :P but i enjoyed it nonetheless! it was fun in adrenaline-pumping kind of way and it was definitely a whole new experience for me :D in conclusion, i know my hometown better because of this trip, and i love it even more now :)

next, i moved house since last october. i still stay with the same housemates though (because to be honest, i don't want to separate from these people who have completely understood me inside and out :D). eventhough the rooms are a little smaller with more expensive rent, the house is completely new (we were the honored very first tenants, yeay!), the facilities are better, and the house is much closer to the university, so it's pretty worth it. i definitely won't forget the nervewrecking feeling we instantly got when our former landlord asked us to leave his house because his son was about to stay there in three months time, and the slight anxiety we felt throughout the time when we were trying to find an available house to rent because, believe me, finding a house to rent near university is very, VERY difficult. we were really lucky to be able to find the house that we're living now, knowing that we only did a lucky guess when we passed this house and seeing that this house was empty. the moving process itself was another exhausting moment because omg, every little thing owned by four female students, including other things from previous occupants that we used, is actually not that little. the lorry needed to make two trips to move the big stuffs, and we moved the smaller things by car, which took i-didn't-even-care-to-count-how-many trips because there were a lot. i hope i can stay here as long as possible throughout my study period in upm because, really, i am not that keen on all the exhaustion i have to go through during moving houses :P

aaaaaand lastly, i can now proudly say that i no longer have feelings for the guy that i fell for the past three years hehehehe. those who managed to read some of my posts during the period of three years back might know the ups and downs that i had to go through because of this one guy. it was one hell of a journey to erase everything that i felt for this guy that i am definitely not willing to go through again. it was pretty much traumatizing to fall in love and have my heart broken with all the 'rollercoasting' and overwhelming emotions that i experienced back then. surprisingly, it doesn't take anyone else for me to forget my feelings for him, meaning that for the very first time in my life, i am not having feelings for anyone right now hahahaha (i don't even know whether this should be something that i can be proud of or not :P). well, i might have some crushes like, hmmm this guy is good looking, that guy is admirable, this guy is decent, but that's it and that's all, i don't have any feelings for them so far. however, i think i am pretty content with how my life goes right now. it might be a little bit boring because, honestly, i miss having butterflies in my stomach (yup i know, those butterflies that i dreaded so much back then hahahaha) but i guess i just need to lay back a bit and enjoy my life as much as possible, as i am pretty sure that God wants to show me how happy i can be without having to have someone to fall for. i am too tired of falling without anyone catching me anyways :P

well, i know that those highlights are maybe not that worthy enough to be called as, yeah, highlights, but at least i can say that being 24 brought me more insteresting stories than being 23 :D last but not least, i wish for health, success, wealth, and happiness for this new age, and the highlight of my wish would, still, be graduating as a master holder this year. wish me good things too, please? hehehehe, thank you in advance!

see you when i see you!

the way i was raised

hellooooooo 2014! :D

i knowwwww i know i know i broke my promise for being a good blogger. for the millionth time. i know *sobs* forgive me? *puppy eyes*

anywayysss, happy 2014! did you guys manage to fulfill your 2013 resolutions? well, i didn't *grin*
one of those resolutions was 'being more feminine' (which has become my resolution every year that i always, always, ALWAYS manage to fail *sigh*). as usual, my sunday morning is always spent rolling on my bed while (over)thinking about a lot of things, and this morning i was suddenly curious why it is soooooooo difficult for me to be more feminine. i mean, i am pretty much a very straight girl (although i have a massive girl crush on f(x) Amber but, well, that is an entirely different case) and isn't being interested in makeups and fashion supposed to be natural like it's already implemented in every girl's brain or somewhere in their bodies?

but then, i remember how i was raised when i was little.

my parents were pretty much total contradiction from me and my sister when they were young. my mom was a very fashionable young lady, with a lot of friends and numerous hangout sessions with different cliques every weekend. same thing applied for my dad, and it can be easily seen from how sociable he is even now. however, they said that school wasn't much their priorities, and they had to struggle to survive 12 years of school + more or less 6 years of university. this fact made them come into one agreement: their children have to be better than them in terms of academic life.

i can safely say that since i was little, the toys that my parents bought me were either educational toys, or plushies. even those plushies were mostly characters from storybooks that they bought me. yes, another major expenses during my childhood went to books. i was very, very, VERY interested in books, of all kinds, especially because i was able to read and understand full sentences since i was three, the age when most of the kids in my kindergarten only started to know alphabets, so my parents got overexcited and overloaded me with a lot of books :P my parents once told me and my sister, "you have to save your money for other things, but you are allowed to splurge on books." they never bought us or introduced us to game consoles like nintendo or sega, and i only managed to know them when i was in primary school since my youngest uncle bought it for himself. i guess this is the sole reason why i am not really interested in those kind of games, even until now.

another thing that my parents really emphasized in their agreement was that their kids have to be able to be fluent in english, especially since they are not able to grasp this language that well. both of us were enrolled in private kindergarten where english was taught as one of the subjects. when i entered primary school, english was not one of the basic subjects until we were in grade 3 or 4, so my parents registered us in english courses to ensure that we were always familiar with english. when i was in upper grades of my primary school, my parents 'upgraded the game' by only allowing me to buy books if they are in english, so i had to buy my harry potter series or other novels in english, and i was only able to read indonesian teenlits or chicklits by borrowing it from my friends. i was introduced to boyzone since as early as fifth grade of primary school, and i was only allowed to watch english-spoken movies or cartoons in the cinema if i wanted them to pay the tickets for me (so if i wanted to watch indonesian movies, i had to pay it by myself from my own saving, at the same time teaching me that if i really want to get something, i have to struggle for it).

makeups and fashion are also other things that my dad (nope, not my mom) is not really keen on to be related to his two daughters. we were always dressed in pants or shorts since we were little because my dad was afraid that we would be having..... uhmm..... flatulence (no, i'm totally not kidding here) since skirts have 'bigger hole' than pants which allows extra air to seep in (omg noooo i don't need to be reminded how ridiculous the reason is). this fact itself definitely explains why i am never comfortable wearing skirts, until now. for makeups, i am pretty sure it was because my dad had successfully 'brainwashed' both of us with the idea of women who paid more-than-necessary attention to their fashion or makeups will never be successful, like by simply telling us a story about his friends' daughters who always look pretty, fashionable and stuff, but never managed to get enrolled in government schools because their final examination results were unsatisfactory, troubling their parents by having them to pay extra extra tuition fees. getting 'brainwashed' like this a lot of times, especially since early age, made me completely ignorant to those beauty-related stuff. everytime i have extra money on my own, i'd rather spend it on books, computer-related stuff, or gadgets (because i just realized that i always bought my laptops with my own money, and i spent my first salaries by buying new laptop, new external harddisk and new cellphone, instead of makeups or skincare kit or new clothes :P). besides, i was too busy to study (and to be a hermit :P), even taking extra tuition sessions outside of school at times when students don't usually prefer to take (like 1st or 2nd grade of middle and high school, because they prefer to take those sessions during their final years), to maintain my scores and all to care about these things anyway :P

in conclusion, i am who i am right now because of the way i was raised. i don't blame my parents, not at all. i am so grateful for having such caring, attentive parents who care a lot about our future. although they emphasize the importance of education at all times, they never pressure us to be the 'cream of the crop', but they always remind us to do our best and never stop trying. i can never be even luckier than how i am right now to have parents like them, really.

soooooo, i think i can understand now why it is very difficult for me to be interested in such things. my friends in the lab are starting to be more interested in talking about shopping and fashion and makeup and all those girly stuff, and they're no longer interested in movies or music or stuff that we used to talk about. yeah, it is enough to make me feel alienated because no matter how hard i try, i am never interested in such things. besides, i think my parents will not be happy if i spend their money on such things, right? :P

the problem is, what am i supposed to do to 'synchronize' our 'wavelength' when it doesn't match?? *sigh*

like usual, thanks for reading my useless rants. ciao.