my sunday morning thought

what i love most about my weekend is when i don't have to rush to do anything, and i usually spend my whole morning laying on my bed, thinking about things while listening to some music, before i finally get up because my tummy asks to be filled. just like this morning. i felt like my bed became a hundred times more comfy, and the weather was just perfect, so i just laid back and let a lot of things passed my brain all at once.

oh well, before i start writing anything more, i better warn you that this post is going to be another useless rants, so you better stop here if you don't want to read it but if you insist... well, i'm pretty sure that you have a lot of better things to do, so you better think again, hehe. i treat my blog as my dumpster of feelings, so here i am asking for your understanding ^^

ehm, soooooo

i am currently 24 and if you happen to look back to my old blog posts, i targeted myself to get married when i am 25 years old, a.k.a next year. yes, and my next birthday is not even 12 months from now. a zillion wedding invitations that i keep on receiving this year just make it worse, to be honest :P

well, those wise people say that 'no pain, no gain'. in other words, i have to widen my social circle, try to mingle here and there to get new friends and then, who knows, find my Mr. Right. the problem is..... ehm, it's pretty embarassing to say this, but my last heartbreak was a bit traumatic for me. i am now too afraid to make friends with guys, because i am scared that i'll fall for them and i am definitely not ready for another heartbreak just yet. i am afraid to make friends with girls too because the one who hurt me last time (by having the honor to be the girlfriend of the one who broke my heart, of course) was someone who was just around me, and somehow i am also not ready for another betrayal. at the end, i prefer to be in comfort of my four walls, and without realizing it, i become an introvert (or maybe even more introverted than i used to be :P).

one of my housemates said to me that i haven't been in any gathering held by indonesian student association here for soooo long that some new people there asked her whether i am a loner (cnblue's oetoriya at the background, keke. okay, back to the topic). i knooowww this is one of my new year resolutions, to make new friends and widen my social circle, but trust me, i am such an awkward turtle that i am not sure if people want to be around me. i just.... don't know how to deal with people. i am totally not a people person. i can work in a team, i know how to do my work with people, but just don't ask me to start a new conversation with a stranger, or even to ask people that i haven't met for long time about what they're up to. i am soooo not into icebreaking, i tell ya.

so i guess i have to change my resolution into 'trying not to be an awkward turtle', because making new friends is hard if i haven't gotten rid of my awkwardness, rite?

as usual, i don't even know what i write (_ _")


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