dumping my junk

have you ever felt this way...
when you have a feeling towards someone, but you cannot do anything with it
you cannot declare that feeling, you even cannot show just a little bit of it to that person. you cannot show that you care, you're happy when you see that person, and you miss him when he's not around. you miss him so much that you want to cry, but when he's around, you just keep avoiding him because you know you'll blush when you're around him and you don't want him to see that blush on your cheek
all you can do is just keeping your cool, try so hard to hide the feeling so that no one knows, while people can see that your eyes sparkle when you look into his eyes when he talks to you
and why are you doing that?
because you're not sure that he is feeling the same way too
because you feel that you're not good enough for him, because you dont think that you can be someone that he can be proud of or someone who is pretty enough to make him into you
because you're tired of feeling rejected when you showed your feeling to someone you like in the past
because you keep telling yourself that he doesn't have any feeling towards you, therefore you just keep avoiding him to prevent your feeling to grow



and finally you write this kind of post because you're tired of keeping all these stuff inside your head and your heart?

if you have ever felt this way
what did you do to that feeling??


*ok, i'm blabbering. maybe it's because i'm stressed. i had so many difficult tests this week, and addition of having this kinda feeling just made me wanna cry. i already faced this kinda uncertainty so many times, but i dont know why this is the only one that really blows my head and makes me feel like my heart is going to explode because i cannot hold it anymore.
well, i think i should clean my room and forget about it.


ps : and i still keep listening to colbie caillat - 'fallin for you' over and over. maybe i should listen to westlife - 'obvious' too. these songs were really made for ME!! :|