hmmmmmm
wow. i just realized that i haven't written any post for quite a long time, hehehe.
errrm, and i dont know how to start :P
well, life has been going so interesting lately... i am now having my industrial training at F&N Dairies, i met new people, new friends, new environment, and oh! i've turned 21. once again, 21. gosh, i'm in the beginning of my twenties and it makes me feel... old :(
however, i feel like the most interesting things happened when i was 20... yes, during that year...
20 is my year of transformation... when i changed myself little by little.. resulting in who i am today.
and yes, i can see that i've changed.
one example, maybe you guys know me as that studyholic girl. a nerd. a bookworm.
but will a studyholic go to have fun with her friends to putrajaya wetland and be there for the whole day when she knows that she's going to have an exam on the next morning?
yes, i did that.
well, that's just an open-book exam, but usually i NEVER went anywhere on the day before my exam. i would stick to my book and be in my room for the whole day, and yes that also happened everytime im going to have my open book exam. i dont know, but there was something encouraging me to go at that time.. and until now i didnt regret that. i had fun and thank God i managed to answer all the questions in my exam very well on the next morning. started from that day, i decided that i have to listen to what my heart and my head say AFTER THEY'RE SYNCHRONIZED. what i mean by synchronized here is, when both my head and my heart say 'yes', then i just go for it, but once either one of them says no, i'll just forget about it.
second example, i became more open to my surroundings. i wasn't close with my classmates for the first three semesters. i decided to concentrate more to my studies and i didnt give a damn to friendship thingy. i only got close to my indonesian friends because i DIDNT WANT TO GET OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE. yes, i was soo shallow-minded at that time.
but then, during my fourth semester, i tried to open myself more to my coursemates. and you know what, the things that i was afraid of didnt happen. i was afraid that we couldnt get along, i was afraid that they wouldnt accept me for whoever i am, et cetera, but the reality showed me the opposite of all my negative thoughts. they were so friendly to me, i could get along with them very well, they accepted me for whoever i am, and the most important things is they are just as crazy as i am :)) that also happened to my industrial training friends. my friends from UPM who are accepted to work at F&N Dairies were not the ones who were close to me, and i was worried whether i could get along with them. now, see, i got along with them really well. they're friendly and i had sooo much fun with them. i know im gonna miss the moments that we had together when im finished later.
this thing taught me that i have to ignore all of my negative thoughts and feelings before i start to do anything. well, i am still not able to do it perfectly until now. sometimes i still listen to my negative feelings, and that affects, of course. however, im trying my best so far and i think im getting better in doing it :)
third example, i started my first relationship and ended it when i was 20. i didnt regret it to happen, and i didnt regret it to end. i learned a lot from my last relationship. i learned that falling in love is completely different from having a relationship. when you listen to some songs and they said that love is enough, trust me, dont believe that, because it's not enough. relationship requires more than just love, and it changed my perspective on relationship - and love, of course. my closest dearies said that they could see it from the way i told them about my opinion on love and relationship when they asked me. and one thing that made me surprised is i found out that 'me in a relationship' is different from 'me when im not in a relationship'. i changed when i started my relationship, and i changed back to the old me when i broke up. i was also quite surprised knowing that i could be that kind of person. however, i still couldnt decide whether it was me in a relationship, or it was me ONLY in my past relationship, which means that there's always a possibility for me to change on my next relationship, and i still dont know how i will change into :) i thought being in a relationship is easy and i was all ready for it, but what happened was i wasnt ready for it at that time, and i still dont know when im gonna be ready for it :) and now i decide to go with the flow and see how it goes. well, we never know, rite? :)
hmmm, i guess this is enough. hopefully you can get something from my post, eventhough i did it only to shoo my boredom in doing my practical report :) have a good day, fellas! ciao!